Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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