Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
