i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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