Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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