I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
