Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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