Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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