i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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