So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
