I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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