I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
