I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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