Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
