Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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