Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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