i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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