I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
