I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
