i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
