im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
