He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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