New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
