i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
