My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
