I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
