So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
