Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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