Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
