So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
