I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
