I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he fucked my hip out of place.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
