Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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