Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
