this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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