Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
