Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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