Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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