It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
