I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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