I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
