Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
