I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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