He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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