and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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