apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
