Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
