Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
