All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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