So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
