I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
